“Youth is wasted on the young.” I was 18 years old, just moved to New York City, and was standing in Central Park reading the only quote by Shakespeare that I’ll probably ever be able to remember.
“This quote is speaking directly to me,” I thought. And yet, I knew it meant something more than my inexperienced soul could fully grasp. After all, what he’s saying is that a person in their youth, by their very nature, will squander its’ gifts, and only the knowledge that comes with age can truly allow one to appreciate what it means to be young. Yet, I had a yearning to understand it, as if I could somehow break the code and avoid the inevitability of life. It reminds me of the conundrum of the older person saying to the younger, “If only I knew then what I know now!” I remember begging people that said that to tell me, so I would know. (As if it were that simple). They would just shake their heads in frustration and say, “You won’t get it.”
They were probably right. There’s nothing that can replace direct experience, and as much as it may pain the adults around you, you’re going to have to make your own choices, and your own mistakes to truly learn for yourself. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t benefit from the particles of wisdom that others have picked up along their own journeys, and that is what I hope to impart to you in this letter.
Life Lessons for Young Women:
On Purpose & Ambition: First, let me say that whatever your ambitions in life, whether they be grand and noble endeavors in society’s view, or a quiet life of simplicity, they are both equally important, or unimportant. What matters is that you are true to the light that is within you, and that you bring it forth to shine at every opportunity. That is what makes the world a better place one person at a time, and it won’t go unnoticed. Of course, you may spend the next ten years just finding out what that light is, so be prepared.
On Mistakes & Compassion: We all make mistakes. There is no perfection in life. Even if you are making decisions now from the most heartfelt and passionate place, you may come to regret some of those decisions later. Continue to lead with your heart, but remember to show yourself compassion when you reflect back on your life years from now. This has been one of my hardest lessons!
On Responsibility: Learn to take responsibility for yourself and resist the temptation to place blame on others. Please note that responsibility means the ability to respond. You cannot always control the circumstances of life, but you are in control of how you will respond to them. I wish I had been more conscious of this fact in my earlier years. It would’ve saved me from continuously giving my power away to other people. They only bullied me because I gave them the reaction that they wanted.
On Freedom: Even if you feel saddled with obligations like a job or school, know that this is the most free you will probably ever be in your lifetime, so enjoy it! I know I wish that I had taken that spontaneous road trip cross country with friends or back packed through Europe. Being married and having children, while wonderful, puts a stop to those notions real quick.
On Dreams & Risk-Taking: Take risks, go out of your comfort zone, and don’t settle for less than what you truly desire. Your dreams in life reveal what’s most important to you. Sometimes that is more the purpose of the dream than actually accomplishing it. My dream was to be an actress when I was younger, and although my dreams have changed shape in many ways, I believe it was my courage to follow my own path that has led me to so many things that bring me joy today. I may not have ever discovered these things if I didn’t follow that initial impulse. Only you can give that to yourself. Believe me, that’s better than being eighty years old and still wishing you had taken a chance.
On Mothers: Respect your Mother, even if you don’t always agree with her. She’s been where you are; you have yet to be where she is. Don’t worry, it will come more easily as you mature and realize that she was once just like you. Almost every day of my life I encounter some obstacle or event and then have this sort of “Ah ha” moment about my own Mom. When you’re a kid you think your parents should have all the answers and be infallible. As you get older you realize how absolutely ridiculous that is.
On Investing in Yourself: Cultivate your talents and invest in yourself. You will never regret the time spent doing those things. I knew how to read music as a kid and was first chair flutist in my elementary school orchestra for two years. I gave it up in large part because none of my friends played and I didn’t feel it was important. Little did I know that decades later I would marry a musician and become a Sound Healer. I could really use those music skills right about now!
On Friendship: Know that your friends are a reflection of you. The friends you keep are a wonderful gauge of where you are in your own life. If you admire, respect, and really enjoy the company of them, then you know you’re doing well! If you are keeping up with certain friends only for sentimental reasons, like you’ve known them since junior high, but have nothing in common anymore, that can drag you down. If I was still close with my friends from that time, getting wasted every weekend and having meaningless drama would be a regular occurrence.
On Solitude: Spend time alone free of distraction. Time spent alone is so valuable. I know it may sound corny, but get to know your self. Keep a diary, meditate, or spend time in nature. Do things to feed your soul because the degree to which you are able to love and honor yourself, is the same degree to which you are able to love and honor others.
On Debt: Avoid debt unless it’s absolutely necessary. You will get offers for credit cards in the mail, tear them up! Being debt free in today’s world is a huge accomplishment! At 25 years old I was still paying for $3000 I racked up on a credit card when I was 19, living at home, and had a job! I can’t even remember what I spent the money on, but I certainly remember paying for it! (It’s called interest).
On Relationships: Engaging in a relationship as a form of escape will always end badly. The best relationships come into our lives when we are feeling our most complete on our own, it’s only then you are not needy and looking outside of your self for fulfillment. Rather you are looking to share something with another. That’s my experience anyway. When I look back on guys I wasted my time on, I see the biggest problem was usually that I wanted something that they weren’t willing to give, or vice versa. As soon as I realized that no man was ever going to give me my happiness, and that I was just fine not being with someone, and in fact it was preferable to being with the wrong person, that’s when I met my husband!
Well, Coral, I hope that you find this letter helpful to you in the months and years to come. I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I hope my perspective adds something meaningful to the landscape of your life that lies before you. It’s hard to believe that it was eighteen years ago that I witnessed you, this tiny little angel, make your entrance into this great big world! I know you’re going to do a great job! You are beautiful inside and out, and I feel blessed, as we all do, to have you in my life.
Happy Birthday!! I love you always!
What would you tell yourself on your 18th Birthday if you could venture back in time?
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